Day 8 - Disaster strikes with a blip.

Day 8

Don't expect this one to have a feel-good theme; I'm majorly p*ssed!

I intended to go out and smash a four-mile run today, I didn't even get to two. I could use the rain as an excuse, the wind literally pushing me backwards, a heavy coat, sore limbs, but I won't. The reason I didn't complete four miles today is because my mind gave up. Am I unable to move now? No. Am I in so much pain I wish I hadn't gone? No. Was I just mentally weak? Yes.

So, I punished myself. First it was turning the radio off on the drive home and sitting in silence. Then, immediately on arrival home, some painful yoga. Topped off with plans for another run before bootcamp tomorrow night, just 2 miles, but at a good pace. Hopefully that will start to work in a Pavlov manner; when I don't finish a run, much more pain is coming than if I completed it.

Every cloud has a silver lining -I ran my fastest mile to date- but there is no smile attached to that. I'm not going to lie on this blog, I could have just said it was 'okay' but if you know me, you know you are going to receive the truth and I am hard on myself because what is the point in sugarcoating sh*t.

Luckily that means that I am even more mad. Luckily the madness has transformed to determination. Luckily this is week 2 and not week 11 with not enough time to rectify my "blip". But luck won't get me round a half-marathon track. Hard work will. The oxford dictionary definition is as follows;

Blip: an unexpected, minor, and typically temporary deviation from a general trend... that WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Okay, so the capitalised lexis at the end was maybe added by me. I'm going to go and get a scorching hot bath and think about what I haven't done.

Kx

Day 7 - I am not currently burning my bra, but...

Day 7

So it's been a week, I have accidentally shed almost a stone! This challenge isn't a weight specific one, but -of course- I will lose some because I have it to lose!! Plus it's easier running with when you're as light as a feather, I'm currently as light as a small building so it is slightly more fiendish. Four miles down, I was feeling brilliant until my friend said she read this blog and really liked it, then she added this...

"It will be great, Kate, because you have such a pretty face, by the time you do the race in a few months you will be fighting the guys off!"

What?! I mean; what!! For someone to make an effort to better themselves or set themselves a goal, must it be to gain anything other than confidence? I can safely say I am not desperately looking for someone, this whole thing is not a ploy to increase my eligibility.

I responded with shock and then sympathy. When someone makes that judgement, their mind must work in that unhealthy way. If you live with that restless goal in life; to be with someone, it significantly reduces your chances! Desperation is not attractive, nor is lack of independence. It worries me that my friends are looking for their 'other half'. I mean, if you're not whole without someone else, you need to see someone about it. A partner shouldn't complete you, they should enhance you.

I am by no means saying that I hate men, I am not currently burning my bra. I love men, I like the idea of a happy ever after, but I'm not settling because society says I should be married before 25 and have a child out before the big 3-0- otherwise I will spontaneously combust. Settling ends in divorce settlements.

I am running because I want to do something that I am not sure I can. Pushing myself. Being better and stronger. NOT because I cry my lonely self to sleep at night; in fact, I enjoy not sharing the bed!

K x